Reflections

This post is coming a few days late, but so did "R" so I guess it fits appropriately. I will first say that the past year of my life has been the most exciting, hardest, emotionally taxing, and beautifully blessed I could have imagined it to be. I find it incredible that just when you feel you are on the brink of destruction someone or something steps in and you hear a tiny laugh, or receive a much unexpected kiss and you are snapped back into the reality that you cannot control everything, sometimes you have to let go and let life control you.

8 days after his due date, 50 hours into labor, "R" was brought into this world by his aunt via c-section. I was exhausted, numb, terrified, and relieved. 3 days later on Christmas morning we were sent home, and looking back we should have clawed and grabbed anything in sight to stay just a few hours longer.  As we walked into our living room I looked at the Christmas decorations, the crib and cradle, the dog and cat, our excited friends and I realized I had no idea what I was doing, and that was just the beginning. "A" and I were mostly on our own, heading down a new road that we were not prepared for, nor were we ready for the changes it would bring.

A year later I woke up on "R's" birthday and looked at my husband and said "We did it. We kept him alive for an entire year. Can you believe it?"

Our reflections have changed, our memories are construed to what we want them to be, and our faces are a little older, we are now showing more wear and lessons learned. But we are who we are now because of those changes, and I'll take a couple brow wrinkles in exchange for some extra knowledge and understanding. Of course, the slobbery kisses are a good trade off too.