Whoopy and Croupy

After R was born I was absolutely terrified of him getting sick. RSV was my biggest fear. Because of this and other reasons A and I decided that we would alternate watching him, keep him out of daycare and even church nursery as much as possible. It was tough, but we made it through an entire year with only an ear infection to worry about.

Right at R's first birthday he was diagnosed with pertussis. I knew he had it, his cough was undeniable "whoopy" and he looked pitiful. Then, a little over a week later after refusing to eat for days he was diagnosed with strep, and subsequently after overcoming the strep we noticed he was breathing harder and faster, and making a horrible noise with his breathing. Afraid of complications from the pertussis we took him back to see his pediatrician with a video of his difficult breathing episodes (because every mother knows that no matter what the child is doing at home as soon as you walk into the doctor they will no longer show any symptoms at all) and we were told he has croup along with everything else.

I stood there in the little room waiting to see if he needed breathing treatments or a hospital visit and I became increasingly sick with worry, and confused as to how he managed to contract three big childhood diseases at once. We wash our hands, still keep him out of daycare, and he had only visited the church nursery once. All that night I wondered and worried. I watched him play then stop to breathe while making the horrible noises, talked with A about when will we know if we have to take him to the hospital, and dealt with the manic outcomes from the steroids he was prescribed.

That night I found a blog about a family who is currently in the PICU with their daughter who has a cancerous brain tumor. They outlined their struggles, fears, experiences, and hopes. I sat and cried for them, unable to comprehend the fear they are experiencing. I realized that as parents we feel every cut, every cough, every pain that our children feel. Its an incredible phenomenon, unmatched by any other.

This brought me to the understanding that although we felt as if we were doing all we could do to prevent R from getting sick, we are not in control of everything. Unlike some I do not believe God gives us struggles so we can become closer and more faithful to him, I believe bad things happen because we live in a world where sin was introduced to humanity and that sin brought with it pain and suffering. I do believe that as struggles and adversities come to us its our job to remain faithful. I don't think we can bless God with our thoughts and prayers (for me blessings come from above, not the other way around), but I do think we can praise him in good times and bad and that he will in turn bless us.

R is getting better, praise God. I am thankful that through this small struggle I have a greater understanding that as his mother I can't control every aspect of his life. I can guide him, do what I think is best, pray that God keep him safe, and be there when he needs me.

I can take all the classes a college has to offer and attend every Sunday school session, but my beautiful boy has taught me more in the past year than I could possibly learn anywhere else.